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I Love You Because Your As Fucked Up As I Am Premium Soy Candle

I Love You Because Your As Fucked Up As I Am Premium Soy Candle

$30.00

~~$30.00~~ $30.00

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Shipping $5 / Free US Shipping $50+

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13.75oz Glass Jar
60–80 Hour Burn Time
100% Pure Soy Wax (USA)
Hand-Poured in New England
90-Day Guarantee

🍪 Scent:Cinnamon & Sugar

Warm cinnamon and brown sugar that actually smells like the real deal, not some fake bakery nonsense.

Notes — Top: Cinnamon Stick & Lemon Zest · Mid: Brown Sugar & Pralines · Base: Vanilla Extract

Ships Quick From New England

We pack and ship from New Hampshire in 1-2 business days. Orders arrive in 2-4 days.

90-Day "Let's Be Reasonable" Guarantee

You've got 90 days to decide. If it's not perfect, we'll send you a prepaid return label and refund you. Just send back at least half the candle.
Why half? It stops dick heads from burning the whole thing first.

Get the details here...

Premium Soy Candles (Description)

100% Pure USA Soy Wax
No paraffin fillers that other brands sneak in. Straight from American farmers, burns clean, lasts longer. That's it.

Cotton Wicks (The Right Kind)
Paper and cotton blend wicks that actually work. No lead, no zinc, no weird metals that cheap candles use. Burns evenly without that annoying tunneling crap.

Non-Toxic Scents Made in USA
We source our fragrances domestically because we give a damn about quality. Strong enough to actually smell, not overpowering enough to give you a headache.

Hand-Poured in New England
Small batches, real people, zero corners cut. Every candle gets individual attention because mass production makes mediocre products.

Candle Care is Important

Trim the wick to ¼" before each burn

This ensures a clean burn

Burn for 2–4 hours max

No all-nighters

Let the wax reach the edges on the first burn

This will avoid tunneling

Stop burning when ½" of wax remains and discontinue use

All good things must come to an end

Never leave a burning candle unattended

Seriously

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WHY

No Sketchy
Chemicals

100% pure soy wax from US farmers. No paraffin fillers that other brands sneak in.

WE

Hand-Poured in
New England

Small batches, real people, zero corners cut. Every candle gets individual attention.

DON'T

Burns
Clean

Cotton wicks that actually work. No lead, no zinc, no weird metals that cheap candles use.

SUCK

Real People Icon

Made by
Real People

We source our fragrances domestically because we give a damn about quality.