Let's Take Life One WHAT THE FUCK? At A Time Premium Soy Candle

We pack and ship from New Hampshire in 1-2 business days. Orders arrive in 2-4 days.

You've got 90 days to decide. If it's not perfect, we'll send you a prepaid return label and refund you. Just send back at least half the candle.
Why half? It stops dick heads from burning the whole thing first.

Get the details here...

100% Pure USA Soy Wax
No paraffin fillers that other brands sneak in. Straight from American farmers, burns clean, lasts longer. That's it.

Cotton Wicks (The Right Kind)
Paper and cotton blend wicks that actually work. No lead, no zinc, no weird metals that cheap candles use. Burns evenly without that annoying tunneling crap.

Non-Toxic Scents Made in USA
We source our fragrances domestically because we give a damn about quality. Strong enough to actually smell, not overpowering enough to give you a headache.

Hand-Poured in New England
Small batches, real people, zero corners cut. Every candle gets individual attention because mass production makes mediocre products.